Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Dirty Dozen: The Worst Movies of 2010

So far this year, I've seen over 100 movies in theaters, and an additional dozen or so on DVD. Of these releases, some have been incredible, while others earn a whole other distinction. While I'm not quite ready to put together my best of list (still have about 6 or 7 left to see for 2010 releases), I feel I am in a good position to announce the worst films of 2010. I've said in the past that the worst movies of the year are those that are the biggest disappointments. Some movies that I have panned may be ranked slightly differently than those that I merely disliked due to the fact that ones I disliked I may have expected more from (if that makes any sense!).

Here are the worst dozen - from least bad (but still awful) to absolutely unwatchable:

12. The Karate Kid
This is easily one of the dumbest movies to be released in 2010. First it's a family film with an enormous 2 hour and 20 minute run time - even the most patient of kids usually can't get past 90 minutes. The makers shamelessly were cashing in on the original by calling it the same thing - which is disgusting as they were performing kung-fu in the movie, not karate. And just as a moviegoer (who was looking forward to this) it was boooorrring and full of predictable sports movie devices.

11. When In Rome
I love Veronica Mars and Las Vegas - two shows that aren't on the air anymore. Maybe that's because the leads of the shows, Kristin Bell and Josh Duhamel, respectively, wanted to pursue movie careers. They both chose this rom-com failure, a tepid, unfunny story of a girl who steals coins from a fountain which then magically earns her stalkers - those that threw in the coins in the first place. I really hated it. That's all I have to say.

10. Eat, Pray, Love
I truly felt trapped watching this movie. Julia Roberts stars in the based-on-a-true-story tale of Liz Gilbert, a woman who was bored with her privileged life and decided to leave it all behind. With all of the tragedy and disease in the world, it was hard to get invested in Gilbert's woes as she came off whiny and spoiled. This movie would have ended up even higher on the worst list if not for the excellent cinematography.

09. Love and Other Drugs
This could have been a good movie. It should have been a good movie. You get two talented actors - Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway - and tell a true story about a girl with a disease, it just seems like something everyone would be all over. Well, the problem is it didn't know what it wanted to be - it never developed as a drama, comedy, or coming-of-age tale - it just kind of died on screen in pathetic fashion.

08. The Back-Up Plan
Jennifer Lopez has always been hit or miss with me. Selena was good, Enough was horrible. The Cell was freaking awesome, Gigli earned it's awful reputation. We could go back and forth, but we'd definitely end up putting The Back-Up Plan in the loss column. It was pure rom-com torture - a chick flick for only the chick-iest of flicksters.

07. The Bounty Hunter
It's my own fault. The trailers looked terrible. Gerard Butler is only good when he's an animated character (see How to Train Your Dragon). Jennifer Aniston is awesome but needs an agent who stops getting her involved in such run-of-the-mill stupidity. I'm not going to get into describing the plot as the filmmakers didn't really either.

06. Skyline
I was really looking forward to this movie! Alien invasions are usually so much fun, but this take on one was about as boring as they come. I didn't care about a single character, and they only showed the actual aliens for about a minute in the entire movie. Very unfortunate.

05. The Little Fockers
Meet the Parents is one of my favorite comedies. I loved it. Unfortunately it has been plagued with two increasingly terrible sequels. The Little Fockers is really just a sad exercise in rich actors getting richer solely for the sake of money, as none of them are very funny here in a story that is so plain and dull a third grader could have written it.

04. Letters to Juliet
My brother and I took our mother to see this for Mother's Day. Mom liked it. We hated it. It's a very girly movie about people (led by Amanda Seyfried and Vanessa Redgrave) driving all over Italy trying to find a lost lover. The thing that really bothered me was that none of the people thought to use a phone book, cell phone, or the internet, instead opting to drive everywhere in search of a man who surely would have come up on Google. I guess there wouldn't have been a movie if they had done that - but we all would have been better off. Sorry mom.

03. Chloe
Maybe I'm a prude, but this was one dirty little movie. Amanda Seyfried (yeah, I know, two horrible movies in a row) stars as a prostitute who is hired (by Julianne Moore's wife character) to lead a man (Liam Neeson) into temptation in a movie that is truly a love triangle in every sense. That being said, it's uncomfortable to watch, none of the characters have any redeeming qualities, and the story-telling is too clunky to appreciate anything about it. It's an awful movie.

02. You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger
Oh this movie was bad bad bad. Woody Allen lost it here, squandering a talented cast that included Anthony Hopkins, Naomi Watts, and Antonio Banderas in a tale about romantic crises at all points of married life. It's nearly unbearable to sit through and the closest I came to walking out of any movie all year.

01. After.Life
Made in 2009 but not released in the U.S. until this year, After.Life starring Liam Neeson (two horrible movies, just like Seyfried), Justin Long, and Christina Ricci in a "we want it to be trippy" thriller that is terribly predictable, terribly acted, and just all around terrible. It never opened wide, most had to catch it on DVD (like I did) and I would bet most wished they didn't.

All right, those were my worst of the year. Just missing the list were Killers, Why Did I Get Married Too? and Saw 3D. What were your worst picks for the year? Prepare to defend your answers!! Peace!

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