The Dan Awards 2011

THE DAN AWARDS - 2011

For those of you that don't know, every year for the past six or seven years, the day before my birthday I reveal my picks for the best and worst things in the previous year of my life. There are some odd categories, there are some odd winners and, for that matter, odd losers. Categories come and go as I see fit, and I make no apologies for any award or diss that is distributed - these are the Dan Awards, and if you don't like them, I really don't care. So if you choose to keep reading, know that these awards might mention you. You might not like what you see, but that is what the comment section is for. If you happen to win an award, feel free to leave an acceptance speech in the comments as well. If Kanye West has anything to say, at least he cannot interrupt you, but he can post whatever he wants if he disagrees with my choice in any category. And for what it's worth, I don't like Taylor Swift either. (This is almost exactly the same intro as the 2009 awards, but it still fits here so I'm not going to change it.)

This thing is also chock-full of spelling and grammar errors. I wrote it early and in the AM, most of it, so I don't care. You can correct me if you want, but I won't change anything.

THE BEGINNING

Welcome to the 2011 Dan Awards. If I was to choose a host for this show, that honor would go to the first recipient of a Dan Award:

Dan Award for Person Who I Would Most Like to Host This Show:

Amy Poehler - Tina Fey has won this award the past two years, so it's time to give her a break and throw this to an almost equally talented comic force. Parks and Recreation has gone from crap to AMAZING from season one until now, in it's fourth season, and her Leslie Knope character is priceless. I actually want the host to be Knope. But since this is a low budget awards show, you get me anyhow.

THE ENTERTAINMENT ONES

As an avid movie fan, I feel it only appropriate to next reveal my favorite movie that I watched in the past year of my life (note that all the awards are from things that happened from September 27th, 2010 - September 26th, 2010). There were many great contenders, but....

Dan Award for Movie That Totally Rocked This Past Year:

Win Win - It was so close! It was between this, and 127 Hours. If I think about it too long I will change my mind back. Another Earth would also be a close third. Win Win balances being a sweet movie with an original story that hinges on the performances. Fortunately, Paul Giamatti, Amy Ryan, and a bunch of others turn in their very best, making Win Win live up to its name.

Dan Award for Movie That I Hated the Most This Past Year:

Little Fockers - It was between this and Skyline. Skyline I knew was going to be bad – it was – and it was no fun either – why I hated it. But LF should have been good. BETTER anyways. There was so much wasted talent that the only thing it will win is this award.

Dan Award for Best SCRIPTED Television Show:

I LOVE 30 Rock, and it has won for as long as I can remember - and it wins again. Hands down. There isn't a smarter, more consistent comedy on the air now. There was this medical study done that said if you are looking forward to a comedy show at night, your whole day at work is better. Thursdays are the best day for that then. Their live episode last fall was genius, and while it's become more and more crazy, I love every minute. I must say, The Good Wife and Modern Family were both contenders.

Dan Award for Best REALITY Television Show:

The Amazing Race lost the Emmy only one time out of like nine or ten (to Top Chef), but it never has, and most likely never will, lose the Dan Award. If you haven't watched this show yet, you're absolutely missing the very best hour on television period. If you think you hate reality tv, you haven't watched this yet. I dare you to watch a season of this and not love it. I actually get more excited about this show than I should – I mean, I always order dinner for the first and last episodes of every season to have my own personal viewing party.

Dan Award for Most Promising New Show of This Fall:

While I really enjoyed the new show Two Broke Girls, I would have to say the show that shows the MOST PROMISE is Up All Night. The first two episodes were very solid – not brilliant – but solid. I love the characters, especially the self-help TV guru played by Maya Rudolph (who I almost always call Maya Angelou). And it doesn't hurt it's from SNL and 30 Rock producer Lorne Michaels.

Dan Award for Television Show That Was So Bad I Wouldn't Watch More Than One Episode:

While Whitney sucked, Cummings likability will get me to watch one more episode. I won't however watch the horrible reality show Take the Money and Run again. Bertram Van Munster, my hero (co-creator of Amazing Race) directed and co-produced this dreadful little misfire where contestants are supposed to hide a briefcase and then get arrested while investigators search for it. The premise is fun – but the execution is laughable.

Dan Award for Best CD That I Purchased Legally:

First of all, I never download or rip music I haven't paid for. So that being said, my most satisfying CD purchase of the last year is an easy choice. Doo-Wops and Hooligans from the incredible Bruno Mars. He is one of the best new singers to emerge in a long time, and his CD boasts one hit after another.

Dan Award for Song of the Year:

This took some serious thought, and the winner ends up at “Shine the Light” by Sugarland. It's such a moving song about friendship and being there for people. Basically for me it's sort of a “I wish I had someone like that” song that makes me kind of sad when I hear it, but it's so good.

Dan Award for Best Concert That I Attended:

The winner is Brandon Flowers - his show at the House of Blues in Boston was incredible, and proved he could successfully break off from leading my favorite group The Killers to put together a solid CD.

Dan Award for Worst Show I Paid Money For:

I love Daniel Tosh - but when he came to Boston, and I paid $75 bucks, he let me down in a big way.  He mocked Christianity - but the bigger offense to the masses was that he wasn't very funny.  I can take a religious joke now and then - we're a funny people - but I cannot take being bored when spending so much money.

Dan Award for Celebrity Who Annoyed Me the Most (aka Dr. Phil Award):

Oh there are so many! I actually enjoyed watching the Charlie Sheen thing pan out, so he doesn't win. Each member of the cast of Jersey Shore could be contenders, but they aren't THAT bad. I don't allow politicians in this category. So with that said, the winner is Lady Gaga. She (He? It?) is everywhere. She (He? It?) isn't horrible, but she (He? It?) is unavoidable. I am not a fan, so this is a bad thing. And the antics and costumes she wears to make headlines are pathetic. As someone who works with youth, I also hated her performance of “The Edge of Glory” where she acted out a suicide. And the song “Judas” is pathetic – including her release of it during Holy Week. Fortunately, Adele is kicking her Kermit clad butt on the CD chart.

Dan Award for Best Book He Actually Finished As Opposed to the Eleven Others He Started and Still Plans to Finish But Knows Deep Down He Probably Never Will (This is Kind of Like the Book Equivalent of Watching the Television Show 'Lost'):

I am now a Hunger Games freak, and this is the year it all started. Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins was the second entry, and IMHO (which is all that matters at the Dan Awards, TYVM), was the strongest of the three. Usually middle books (who I am kidding, I mean middle movies) are the weakest as they really just connect the beginning to the end, but here Collins shifts the story in a better direction and creates some very interesting conflict. Loved it.

THE BUSINESS/WEB ONES

These are a little more rapid fire for the most part.

Dan Award for Best Fast Food Restaurant: Panera Bread (good place for a vegetarian)

Dan Award for Best Dine-In Restaurant: On the Border (best Mexican)

Dan Award for Best Appetizer: Remy's Nachos (Boston Harbor Location ONLY)

Dan Award for Best Guilty Pleasure Eating: Denny's (I love it, and I don't even get drunk before I go.)

Dan Award for Best New Beverage Flavor: Vitamin Water Zero Blood Orange and Mixed Berry (that's one drink, with a long name – I made this category up just to give it something it's that good. But only when cold. Really cold.).

Dan Award for Best Product I Discovered: Vinylmation – they are 3' and 9' inch collectable Mickey Mouse molds painted to represent hundreds of different things and characters. My collection has begun!

Dan Award for Store That I Still Continue To Hate Despite Often Going In: (tie) Yankee Candle and Lowes

Dan Award for Best Online Store: Duh, Amazon.com

Dan Award for Worst Online Site I Visit Every Day: EW.com – the ads are maddening! I subscribe to the magazine so I should get an ad-free website to visit.

Dan Award for Best Social Media Site: Despite being very annoying and changing every month, Facebook still wins.

THE PERSONAL ONES

Dan Award for Best Accomplishment of My 27th Year:

This was a pretty slow year. A couple of years ago the award here was me getting on a national reality show. Before that meeting President Obama (before he won) and hitting a low weight were contenders. This year I can barely think of one. So I guess there isn't one this year. (CROWD GASPS). I mean, I guess I could say seeing like 130 movies in theaters in one year is an accomplishment, although that may be more a sign of an illness so I don't know.

Dan Award for Best Vacation Moment:

Back at the end of May, beginning of June I went to Florida for a week. The time was mostly just okay – family tension – ugh – nearly ruined the trip. But a lunch with my former boss at my university library/friend and another great friend almost single-handedly (sp?) salvaged the trip. So the winners here are Grace Veach and Lora King. Thank you for being great friends.

Dan Award for Best New Friend:

My DVR won this last year, and since I cannot give it to that again, I will have to say no winner here. There is a contender (a person) in the works, but it's too early to say.

Dan Award for Kindest Unexpected Gesture From a Friend:

I will have to say the staff at Shrewsbury Youth and Family Services for kicking in and getting me a birthday present. It was not called for, not expected, and so touching. If you have any extra money and want a good organization to throw it to, they should get it – they do great social work with so little. Also, I just got a card birthday card in the mail from Megan from I Survived a Japanese Game Show – didn't expect it and it was SOOOOO nice and surprising.

Dan Award for Friend Who, Out of Nowhere, Was a Jerk:

So I retired this award last year, as I don't like negativity (LOL, well, I'm trying not to like it). This year I had to bring it back though - there had to be a winner. Normally I have no problem calling someone out, but here I do. So this will remain a mystery...but the recipient probably knows who they are....and they are probably reading this....BUM BUM BUUUUUM.

Dan Award for Most Uplifting Friend (aka The Lora King Award):

Everybody in the world needs a Lora King in their life. I met her in college, and she is one of the only people I still talk to almost every few weeks. She is an incredible person, and even when she's going through crap in her life, she is always more concerned what's going on in the lives of others. She is truly a blessing.

Dan Award for Friend of the Year:

She's won this award many times, and again, she defends her title. Lora King, as mentioned above, is one of the kindest and most caring people one will ever meet. She is hilarious and genuine and well, if you don't know her, you should. If you do know her, and don't think she's amazing, you are probably an idiot.

Closing 27th Year Remarks:

As my birthday is on September 27^th, I always thought in some superstitious way that my 27^th year would be my best. Well, I got strep throat three times, and a viral infection. Had a bunch of other stuff occur that I won't discuss here. And basically hated much of the past year. If this is my best, that's really depressing.

Looking to 28:

Well, it won't be worse than 27. Most likely. Hopefully. Is anyone still reading this? I feel like writing a swear just to check, but I think I have a web-stalker or two out there who I don't want to offend. Hi both of you! How are your cats? And with that, we now rejoin your local news.