The People That I Hate The Most

What type of people do I hate the most? Terrorists? No. KKK Members? Nope. People who don't use their turn signals when driving? Close, but still no. The people that I hate the most are people who spoil the end of movies. There is nothing good about this type of person. They are sad, sorry people who feel the need to evoke emotion - good or bad - by spoiling an entire movie experience. Knowing the end of a movie before I watch it completely deflates my interest in watching the movie at all. The true movie fan won't spoil the end of the movie even when someone asks you to tell them the ending.

This past winter, my supervisor at the library invited some colleagues and myself out for a lecture entitled "The Obsolete Man and the Obsolete Book". It was supposed to be a nice evening of education, dinner, and camaraderie. The venue was a book binding center in Boston's North End. We arrived at the location of the lecture and found they were holding the session in a cramped, very small classroom. As I fought to protect my leg room, I noticed that this seemingly obscure topic had attracted quite the crowd. There was a screening of a Twilight Zone episode on books becoming obsolete, and then a question and answer/discussion period. First of all, most of the literary folk in attendance were stuffier than a first grade class in the dead of winter, and most of their comments made me want to buy ear plugs. But it was the one woman seated a few rows behind me that would come to be added to my short list of people I hope move to an island and spare the world of their hideousness. This scab on society was not ugly because of her appearance - as a matter of fact I have no idea what she looked like (let's just imagine she was ugly though, it paints a better picture). Her voice was whinier than a hybrid of Heidi Montag and a failing electric toothbrush, but it was what she said that truly made me hate her. Stepping aside from the current topic of discussion, she decided to fill everyone in, without warning, on the complete experience of watching the movie The Book of Eli (out on DVD today, still in theaters at the time of this lecture). She talked about Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman, and then proceeded to reveal both of the movies pivotal twists. Of course I won't spoil it for you, but let's just say, if you know the ending, watching the movie is a real drag. In my critical opinion, it's not a very good movie until the GREAT ending. Many people I know love the movie, and I'm sure it's in large part to the last ten minutes. Watch it again friends, knowing the ending, and I think you'll pick up on a massive amount of flaws and plot holes. Knowing the ending in advance may have given me a much better critical insight into reviewing the movie, but as far as enjoying went, it was just miserable.

So to all of you callous, obnoxious, self-absorbed cine-spoilers out there, let me warn you: The next time you cross paths with me wreaking your destruction, I won't be as kind as I was to the woman mentioned above. I won't leave your presence and enjoy a nice dinner with coworkers. I will follow you home, wait for you to go to bed, fall asleep myself in my car, wake up in my car, wait for you to wake up, wait for you to get ready for work, wait for you to eat your sugary cereal breakfast that contains nowhere near the required protein you need to start your day, wait for you to come back outside, wait for you to get into your car with way too many liberal bumper stickers, and then I will speed in front of you, and at the last minute, make a turn without using my directionals. That will show you. Fool.