My "claim to fame" as far as movie criticism goes came five years ago. Yahoo! Movies used to let users review films and their editors would select a couple of positive and a couple of negative reviews to be on the Yahoo film's main homepage. After seeing the terrible Elizabethtown, I remember feverishly writing my review and submitting it to Yahoo! Movies. A few weeks later, when I logged on to read other reviews, I was shocked and excited to find that my negative review had been chosen to be displayed on the Elizabethtown movie profile page on Yahoo! Movies. The site has since changed their format, so you'll have to take my word for it, but here is the review that I had posted back then - word for word:There are films that are uplifting and moving. Films that explore life's mysteries with such delicate and poignant angles, that one is left feeling inspired. There are films that are touching, joyous, and pleasurable. 'Elizabethtown' is not one of them. Cameron Crowe's latest endeavor into these emotionally driven exercises he often does so well, is, in fact, dead on arrival.
Comparing this film to sheer stupidity would being doing it a favor. Torture would come closer to doing it justice. I was left feeling as if this movie was delivering us line after line of sentimentality, none of which flowed together. One could take any one of the lines and put it into a Hallmark card and it would work....aside from the line about a neighbor's "big boner"....a line delivered at a funeral (what a way to go, eh?)
The performances were stressed, the technical elements were worrisome, and the soundtrack was off base. Never in a film has one actor's face been seen in a close-up shot so frequently. As pretty as Orlando may be, that does not carry a film (unless maybe you are a fourteen year-old girl...or someone with a like mentality.) I felt as if Cameron Crowe saw "Garden State", smoked something, and then wrote this piece of illogical lunacy.
This film was unbelievably much longer upon first cut. Crowe was ordered to shorten it. 18 minutes were subtracted, and yet the film still felt like it took an eternity to end. Some may say it's just because I am a guy and this was a "chick flick." Well, I like In Her Shoes, Bridget Jones' Diary, Notting Hill, Runaway Bride, and even Monster-In-Law, so don't let that be an excuse. The sweetness of the last ten minutes does not save the stupidity of the previous 128 minutes. There were so many moments in the film where I felt as if I was being challenged to sit there and take it in – almost as if the makers wanted to see if I would have the courage to sit there until the credits began to roll. I felt as if everyone would stop what they were doing, turn directly into the camera, and burst into laughter and yell “Got ya!”
There is so much more negative to say about this terrible film, but I don’t want to give it the satisfaction. I just want to give it one star out of four, which is probably being generous. See, there are bad films that know they’re bad…like teen comedies and sappy Mandy Moore films. Then there are films like this; ones that have the audacity to showcase themselves at festivals and tout themselves as Oscar hopefuls. But unless Cameron Crowe can make something else, anything else before January, I can assure you he can keep his calendar open come Oscar time. Again, one star for “Elizabethtown.”
Comparing this film to sheer stupidity would being doing it a favor. Torture would come closer to doing it justice. I was left feeling as if this movie was delivering us line after line of sentimentality, none of which flowed together. One could take any one of the lines and put it into a Hallmark card and it would work....aside from the line about a neighbor's "big boner"....a line delivered at a funeral (what a way to go, eh?)
The performances were stressed, the technical elements were worrisome, and the soundtrack was off base. Never in a film has one actor's face been seen in a close-up shot so frequently. As pretty as Orlando may be, that does not carry a film (unless maybe you are a fourteen year-old girl...or someone with a like mentality.) I felt as if Cameron Crowe saw "Garden State", smoked something, and then wrote this piece of illogical lunacy.
This film was unbelievably much longer upon first cut. Crowe was ordered to shorten it. 18 minutes were subtracted, and yet the film still felt like it took an eternity to end. Some may say it's just because I am a guy and this was a "chick flick." Well, I like In Her Shoes, Bridget Jones' Diary, Notting Hill, Runaway Bride, and even Monster-In-Law, so don't let that be an excuse. The sweetness of the last ten minutes does not save the stupidity of the previous 128 minutes. There were so many moments in the film where I felt as if I was being challenged to sit there and take it in – almost as if the makers wanted to see if I would have the courage to sit there until the credits began to roll. I felt as if everyone would stop what they were doing, turn directly into the camera, and burst into laughter and yell “Got ya!”
There is so much more negative to say about this terrible film, but I don’t want to give it the satisfaction. I just want to give it one star out of four, which is probably being generous. See, there are bad films that know they’re bad…like teen comedies and sappy Mandy Moore films. Then there are films like this; ones that have the audacity to showcase themselves at festivals and tout themselves as Oscar hopefuls. But unless Cameron Crowe can make something else, anything else before January, I can assure you he can keep his calendar open come Oscar time. Again, one star for “Elizabethtown.”
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